Horizontal and Vertical Relationships

This morning I am reflecting on our second chapter, the topic being "horizontal and vertical relationships." We read: the vertical and horizontal relationships in Eden share an important characteristic: they cross boundaries of difference. God is divine, Adam and Eve are human. Adam is male, Eve is female. Yet these differences do not prevent them from being united in a single relationship...our relationships are an invitation to bring together the difference of Creation into a new kind of wholeness.

Inspired by an article in the Christian Century many years ago, I found the challenge of horizontal and vertical relationships to be an important topic in Lent. It touches on what it means to be in community, to be the priesthood of all believers and to allow God to widen our hearts beyond our own comfort. It also addresses the themes and challenges we are addressing in our Diocese: discernment, discipleship, and development.

Most people are relatively comfortable with their vertical relationship with God.  It is the horizontal plane that we have trouble with most of the time. In truly engaging this reality, especially as it pertains to what we do as a church community, it seems to me that each and every one of us has to decide that the people of our congregation/community truly matter—that they are worth the personal energy expended on their behalf. This is more than putting up with people. It asks of us the gift of compassion and a keenly observant eye for noticing. Just as a sailor reads the wind or a surfer reads the surf, we must be willing to read the contours of individual lives around us. 

We might ask ourselves, for example, "Am I interested in the complications that go with the daily routines of these people in my circle of life? Do I really want to get to know them in more than a superficial way? Can I imagine the very different worlds they inhabit and tune into those worlds when I'm with them? Am I willing to care personally for them in the midst of all that might preoccupy their minds, worry their hearts or delight their souls?" If we can answer these questions in the affirmative then we are on the road to a meaningful partnership with Creation, living fully into the the intersection of our horizontal and vertical lives. 

Second, can we love people as they are, not as we wish they were?None of this "if only" stuff. "If only she would buy into the my vision." "If only he would open his wallet more freely." Conditional love is not biblical love. Toleration of another is not the warmth of affection. If the ministry of a church is alive and vibrant, the members within it will always be in the process of becoming more than they presently are. This is its own delight. Those who enjoy a loving identification with their people will find themselves putting the joys and interests of these people ahead of their own. Everyone comes out on top when there is this "priority for the other." It sounds rather Jesus-like, come to think of it.

Third, we cannot confuse the gift of interpersonal skills or fellowship with having a Godly heart for people. Fellowship is fun, but it is no substitute for the reverence that goes with casting one's lot among this strange menagerie of people different than us. The art of embracing other people cannot be reduced to any singular event. It is part of our character as it is formed by the grace of God's love and molded through daily prayer.

Fourth, love is its own reward. It is not a means to an end. Love must never be exercised to get somebody to do something. We need to see people for the depth of their humanity, for the colorful surprise that God has tucked into their breath, and not for their perceived value to us or our goals. 

Fifth, love grows in depth over time. Just as those in a relationship enrich the texture of their togetherness with each new experience, so we discover the full meaning of our love for one another only over the course of time. If I say, "I love you," to another human being, I cannot really say this in a way that suggests I've perfected that love. Rather, the words remind both of us that there is yet more love to be discovered through our dynamic bond.

Finally, cherishing the people around us requires a deep inner desire if it is to be a priority. Loving a group of people does not happen automatically or mechanically. There may be many days when we feel little love. We choose to do it anyway.

The best forms of love are always driven by a thirst or a longing to know and care about another human being. Where our soul may not feel a longing for God or for other people, there is always another option. We can "desire the desire" or, as Meister Eckhart once put it, "long for the longing." 

Each of us must find a relational path through challenge and hardship, through exhilaration and meaning, through sameness and difference. A certain complexity seems to accompany every love that has horizontal and vertical dimensions. 

Can we come to such an engagement, commitment, and passion for this sort of love this Lent and into the future? 

Gathering God,

draw us out beyond our cramped circles of care.

Draw us toward the neighbor, the other,

the outsider, the hurting one.

May we practice horizontal and vertical compassion.

Amen.